Friday, December 18, 2009

Pentagon Speaks - Placements


Hi. I am the Pentagon. The Pentagon at the School of Management. Yes, the pentagon! The center point. The meeting point. The eating point. The mating point* (Conditions apply). I see. I reflect. I absorb. I analyze. I scrutinize. I wonder. I squirm. I yell. I scream. I Celebrate. I Cry. I know it all. I am the Pentagon. The one who sees it all. The one who is better placed than a MBA, and placed in a MBA college. A prestigious one for that matter (*Challenges to these claims are Subject to Delhi Jurisdication)


From the thin ones to the fatso's, from the hot ones to the utter disgusting ones, from the pervert ones trembling with excitement to the ones sweating before placement interviews, from the joint ones to the aching ones; I have seen them* all, supported them* all (*to be read as "bums"). I have braved scorching summers and numbing winters to tell tales of batch after batch, wave after wave. Well, more about me later. Let me get into the current mood of the campus and analyze the package fever and profile hunger that has gripped the current batch, like dozens before them. "That time of the year" is back on campus. So, I decided to start off with placements in my first interaction with the outside world and inside pentagon warmers.

In the first few posts, I will help categorize students who have been placed/are in the process of being placed into different universal categories. We will unravel the mysteries of one category every post and understand what goes behind the transformation of these normal batchmates of yours into superheroes. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental

  • Category 1: Premature Ejaculation Heroes
The paupers turned heroes/heroines. This category of students climax before the third company arrives on campus. 5% of every MBA batch suffers from this syndrome approximately, out of which 1% manage to hit and seed their offspring in the companies womb.

These select bunch stand apart, not only getting richer by many lakhs in the form of a placement offer but also turn preachers and consultants for their "yet-to-be-placed" 99% batchmates, transforming what was an accident by design into a planned, goal oriented approach.
For an outsider, you can differentiate these elite bunch from the rest by these following signs:
  • Usually surrounded with a group of people.
  • The only one speaking in the group of students trembling with fear.
  • Animatedly gesturing and explaining things to wonder eyed juniors.
  • If you overhear someone speaking these lines, then he/she is definitely from the premature ejaculation category: "I always wanted to be in this company", "Fulfilled a long cherished dream", "Just plain lucky, but yaa...I always knew I would make it", "Read Economic Times, like i do", "This is how you should approach your interviews", "Companies look for candidates who are....", "Just be yourself. And the company should be able to see these qualities in you...like..."
These select bunch carry on these medallions of "first ones to be placed" like lifetime achievement awards and tend to associate everything that follows afterwards with this achievement of theirs. Few examples would be, "Ofcourse I know. XYZ did not take me just like that!", when challenged in discussions, Active involvement in group presentations with statements like, "The flow of this presentation is not right bro. It should be like this....", pick up line with cute/handsome juniors like, "Hi. Mohini here. The one who got placed with Not-So-Smart Rhombus. Ya, the first one...right...now dont embarass me. It was just sheer luck. But, do read Economic times regularly. It helps. You need to gear up for the rigors next year. By the way, why not discuss it over coffee??"

This VIP status also helps them decimate competition when it comes to wooing outsiders and win a brownie point against potential competition. An example to help you understand this better. Say, Aashish who has already been placed sees Jiggy chatting away to glory with a hot girl from the neighborhood college. If he wishes, he can always go one up and even win the attention of the girl with a simple line like, "Hi Jiggy! Was searching for you buddy. I got the offer letter today boss. By the way, I heard you have not been shortlisted for Cheap Chemicals. Not to worry bro. Everyone has a day *glances at the hot girl besides Jiggy* Hey...Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"

Hats off to the Premature Ejaculation Heroes.

Next post for the dissection and analysis of a new category.

10 comments:

Shruti said...

Waah! Impressive comparison! And the metaphor used is unparalleled :P
ok, just an innocent query- where u also a premature ejaculation hero ?? :D

Jigyasu said...

Hahahahahahahaha!!! Well I guess by the next post we'll see Jiggy placed too and giving it back as good as he got :P. Way to go. Waiting for the other categories.

jaz said...

luv ur post....and the best was the category : premature ejaculation......waiting for oder categories :)

Sandeep Balan said...

@shruti

he he he...o, so you call it metaphor eh? ;-)...wats wit the side profile man? :P :P

n nooooo....am not the premature ejaculation kinds...never was...not at all...in all respects...i go the distance! :P

Sandeep Balan said...

@jigyasu

ya ya...you fall into a different category, which will come soon :P :P
N yaa...you will give it back as well! :P :-)

wont keep you waiting for long ;-)

Sandeep Balan said...

@baju

tereko kya ho gaya?? yeh katrina ka naam kyun rakh liya "namaste london" se bhai?? gender change operation? my condolences :P ;-)

he he...yup..the older categories will follow :P

Dhanya said...

Hahaha @ all the dialogues! Too good! Actually, I have heard most of these lines from fellow batchmates who got placed first in my engineering college :|

ANWESA said...

Liked this one :) waiting for the next one :D

nandita! said...

Premature ejaculation! Lol :D

Its all gonna start next year..my final year! Hmpf! :D

Phoenix said...

lol! :P

really wonderful read! great analysis mister! :) :P