Monday, December 28, 2009

Pentagon Speaks - Placements (II)


I am the Pentagon reporting from the School of Management. Yes...Yes...we had our first round of introductions in the last post. A lot has happened in the last 10 days. I have become popular amongst you all. I have also featured prominently on Channel V's "Dare to Date" this Friday, supporting the weight of two dumb souls. And all the while I was thinking that I am located in a B-School and could feature only on CNBC's of the world like I have in the past. You can still catch me on the re-runs of the last episode of the show on Channel V till the next one goes on air the coming Friday. So be tuned in to Channel V. For all those who missed, catch the episode HERE. And no, that guy is not from the School of Management. Infact, we don't have a BBA course here! Lies media blurt out for locations!

Things at the School of Management are a bit tensed at present. With the first leg of placements over, and the end terms taking over, we are heading towards the most tense period and the last leg of placements. A relaxed 2010 for some, and a tense, make or break 2010 for the less fortunate souls.

Continuing from where I left in the last post, where I helped categorize students who have been placed/are in the process of being placed into different universal categories, comes my next post. We unraveled the mystery of one category and will lift the veil of a new cateogry in this post. Understanding what goes behind the transformation of these normal batchmates of yours into superheroes. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental

  • Category 2: IT (Impotent Tigers)
The less fortunate. The tensed lot. The dreamers who live a thousand dreams the night before the placement process. But companies need the real thing. Dreams alone do not satisfy a salivating company. This lot is clueless on "How to satisfy" a company and are usually seen taking every bit of advice from the fertile ones. Generally, 40% of every batch suffer from this common disease.

The identity and status of this bunch is revealed on the first night itself. Like in all arranged marriages, where your snaps can transport you all the way to the altar but from there its your ability to please your wife after the ceremonies that determines the course of your married life. This category of students manage to reach the altar to tie the knot with their prospective employer on the swayamvar stage, basis the strength of their CV's. But more often than not, they fizzle out when it c
omes to stamina and style, when the company "makes out"* with them for the first time. (*To be read as "Group Discussions Leg")

Like all heartbroken "would be" rejected prospects, they desperately seek divine blessings and stamina increasing capsules in the form of advises to leave their mark in the rannbhoomi, but the fear of performing when it matters most consumes them in its wake. You can identify the students from this category if you watch out for the following signs:

  • Clean shaven and upbeat on days when the company is on campus, bearded and forlorn look at all other times
  • The one who is there at every process for their friends, and breaks out into wild celebrations the moment the news of their placement reaches him. When alone, curses their good luck and his fate at not being at his place.
  • Looks towards the sky while sipping tea, as if searching for answers from the cosmic being
  • Dialogues like, "I am not worth it", "I am useless", "Mera kuch nahi ho sakta", "Kismat hi footi huvi hain", "What on earth does the company want?", "Why me?", "I was the best out there, still they selected him and not me"
Pentagon's advice to this lot. Don't change your style based on recommendations/advises from the guru's/baba's* of your batch (*to be read as "placed batchmates"). Their tablets won't help you in any way. Use your natural style and be at it. There are companies out there who love impotency. Just wait for your time. The high expectations ones were never meant for dreamers. Those babes are high on maintenance. But yes, keep practicing that start-stop mechanism and see loads of X-rated movies* (* to be read as "Keep yourself updated on current topics by reading newspapers") to build up on the stamina to prepare yourself. Keep yourself oiled for that all important night. Whenever it comes. It will come for sure. Pentagon da promise.

Always remember my words: Impotency can be cured. Pessimism can't.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Pentagon Speaks - Placements

Hi. I am the Pentagon. The Pentagon at the School of Management. Yes, the pentagon! The center point. The meeting point. The eating point. The mating point* (Conditions apply). I see. I reflect. I absorb. I analyze. I scrutinize. I wonder. I squirm. I yell. I scream. I Celebrate. I Cry. I know it all. I am the Pentagon. The one who sees it all. The one who is better placed than a MBA, and placed in a MBA college. A prestigious one for that matter (*Challenges to these claims are Subject to Delhi Jurisdication)

From the thin ones to the fatso's, from the hot ones to the utter disgusting ones, from the pervert ones trembling with excitement to the ones sweating before placement interviews, from the joint ones to the aching ones; I have seen them* all, supported them* all (*to be read as "bums"). I have braved scorching summers and numbing winters to tell tales of batch after batch, wave after wave. Well, more about me later. Let me get into the current mood of the campus and analyze the package fever and profile hunger that has gripped the current batch, like dozens before them. "That time of the year" is back on campus. So, I decided to start off with placements in my first interaction with the outside world and inside pentagon warmers.

In the first few posts, I will help categorize students who have been placed/are in the process of being placed into different universal categories. We will unravel the mysteries of one category every post and understand what goes behind the transformation of these normal batchmates of yours into superheroes. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental

  • Category 1: Premature Ejaculation Heroes
The paupers turned heroes/heroines. This category of students climax before the third company arrives on campus. 5% of every MBA batch suffers from this syndrome approximately, out of which 1% manage to hit and seed their offspring in the companies womb.

These select bunch stand apart, not only getting richer by many lakhs in the form of a placement offer but also turn preachers and consultants for their "yet-to-be-placed" 99% batchmates, transforming what was an accident by design into a planned, goal oriented approach.
For an outsider, you can differentiate these elite bunch from the rest by these following signs:
  • Usually surrounded with a group of people.
  • The only one speaking in the group of students trembling with fear.
  • Animatedly gesturing and explaining things to wonder eyed juniors.
  • If you overhear someone speaking these lines, then he/she is definitely from the premature ejaculation category: "I always wanted to be in this company", "Fulfilled a long cherished dream", "Just plain lucky, but yaa...I always knew I would make it", "Read Economic Times, like i do", "This is how you should approach your interviews", "Companies look for candidates who are....", "Just be yourself. And the company should be able to see these qualities in"
These select bunch carry on these medallions of "first ones to be placed" like lifetime achievement awards and tend to associate everything that follows afterwards with this achievement of theirs. Few examples would be, "Ofcourse I know. XYZ did not take me just like that!", when challenged in discussions, Active involvement in group presentations with statements like, "The flow of this presentation is not right bro. It should be like this....", pick up line with cute/handsome juniors like, "Hi. Mohini here. The one who got placed with Not-So-Smart Rhombus. Ya, the first dont embarass me. It was just sheer luck. But, do read Economic times regularly. It helps. You need to gear up for the rigors next year. By the way, why not discuss it over coffee??"

This VIP status also helps them decimate competition when it comes to wooing outsiders and win a brownie point against potential competition. An example to help you understand this better. Say, Aashish who has already been placed sees Jiggy chatting away to glory with a hot girl from the neighborhood college. If he wishes, he can always go one up and even win the attention of the girl with a simple line like, "Hi Jiggy! Was searching for you buddy. I got the offer letter today boss. By the way, I heard you have not been shortlisted for Cheap Chemicals. Not to worry bro. Everyone has a day *glances at the hot girl besides Jiggy* Hey...Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"

Hats off to the Premature Ejaculation Heroes.

Next post for the dissection and analysis of a new category.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

News Article: Was The Hacking a Statistical Attack?

*Disclaimer: This is purely a work of fiction and a figment of writers imagination*

Dec 1, 2009
Qutab Institutional Area, New Delhi

In a shocking turn of events, what was being touted as the most intelligent and purposeful hacking ever carried out on the site of an educational site is now turning out to be an act of rivalry carried out with meticulous perfection. The truth was unearthed by a team of experts who could see traces of regression, ANOVA and t-test in the patterns of photos that were uploaded on the new site of this college. This startling discovery paved way for a sudden twist to this now famous case, taking the suspicion off Mr. Saurabh Baju to the statistical tools expert, Mr. Haar-NO Bindra.

"Hacking my foot! I only know how hard it was to code when I was working, and this hacking is way out of my league! I was holidaying and cooling my brains in the heat of Jaipur after putting in my heart and soul into this new site for more than a month. A well deserved break I call it. And what 70% photos are you talking of? I am there in only 3 photos out of two dozen on the site, a clear sign that regression was applied while planting this. And there is only a single guy in the batch who uses these statistical tools where it is least required, like it were running out of fashion. And that is my very good friend, Mr. Haar-NO Bindra", said a visibly shocked Mr. Baju, the co-coordinator of the Brandy Cell, who was apparently greeted with lot of loud cheers and a heroic welcome on his return to college today. A closer analysis at the patterns of photographs appearing on the site clearly show that Factorial ANOVA has been used by the hacker to find the effect of two independent variables, Baju and college.

A first year student from the college, Mr. P.K. Talli gave us some more insights, "Haar-NO is a dear friend of mine. heard it wrong.....Not "Hor-Ny"'s "Haar-No" bengali accent makes it sound like Hor-Ny most of the times. Haar-No's grasp over all the subjects amazed me the very first day I interacted with him. Its only when I read my marketing and statistics text books for the mid-term, that the realization dawned on me that Haar-No had explained something completely different from what was written here and made no sense whatsoever. Nonetheless, I thought that maybe the college imbibes in you this skill of developing your own theories and thereby letting you widen the scope of existing models. I got it that very day that he is destined for great things. I remember him telling me that one thing he hates most is DISCO experience holders. He even helped me explain why, by sketching out an elaborate model on how DISCO directly opposed the 4P's of setting up a Brandy Cell. Though I was watching porn when he was presenting the idea to my batch, I supported him for the Brandy Cell. Ofcourse there was a need for one because of the distance between the college and border where we get it cheaper, wherein the germ of the idea was born. But Bindra started sensing competition in Baju, who worked his ass out to make it a reality. Who on earth would have known that Haar-No would keep that in mind and apply all the statistics that he uses right from deciding on what to have for breakfast to which bedsheet to use in cracking this sinister plot? Imagine the genius of a guy who uses Marketing mix model, which is often used to optimize promotional tactics with respect to profit, in day to day life by using it time and again in all the discussions with Professors. No wonder he fares well in all CP. Some jealous souls call it DCP, but I feel it requires great skill, patience and planned approach, which is commendable. Such a genius plot which requires great knowledge of statistical tools and promotional marketing could have been cracked by the one and only, Mr. Haar-No Bindra".

Mr. Haar-No Bindra was not available for comment. Neither has an official declaration been made by the brandy cell despite wonder eyed junior girls, who made a big sacrifice by skipping the afternoon Ranbir Kapoor movie, doing a demonstration outside the Cell demanding justice for Mr. Baju. All the single senior guys participated in this demonstration whole-heartedly outside the college, while the single junior guys were strictly asked by FCD to remain in their classes or else get their names striked out of summer placements.

yeM yeS Swaminathan
yeM Bee yAe Campus News Correspondent

Monday, November 30, 2009

News Article: College Site Hacked?

*This is purely a work of fiction and a figment of writers imagination*

Nov 30, 2009

Qutab Institutional Area, New Delhi

Shockwaves spread across the country as reports of hacking of a prestigious Delhi based management school's website started trickling in. Mr. Vivek Raveendran, who noticed a change in the website of his college in the wee hours of early morning while still chatting with 4 female batchmates in the name of group discussion, was the first to call up yeM Bee yAe Campus News correspondent Swaminathan to report this incident. Incidentally, he demanded 150 Rs. to divulge more details, citing girlfriends birthday and rising internet charges.

"I was discussing what to have for breakfast in college canteen tomorrow with my project partner Pooja, when I decided to pay my second visit to our college's website. The last time I had done so was when i was checking my admission status, and my computer had succumbed to a deadly virus attack. In a way I am grateful because that was how I got this new PC. I have been eyeing this new laptop a junior brings to college everyday and been after dad to get me the same. Dad's decision of not getting me a new one till the time my PC is up and running was causing me a lot of emotional stress. I thought that visiting my college's website again could be beneficial because being a computer engineer myself, I had full confidence in the virus. But what followed surprised me! In place of the old site, there was this swanky new site with colourful images all over. The surprise soon became shock when I saw a common link in almost 70% of the images. The face of my very good friend, Saurabh Baju. Every 2nd photo, he was there. Being a computer engineer from a reputed college, I knew in a jiffy that the site has been hacked by Saurabh Baju", Vivek said.

Mr. Saurabh Baju, 26, a second year MBA student from this Delhi based management institute managed to create a stir with harakiri on the official website of his college. What followed were frantic searches and phone calls to Saurabh by friends and professors in vain. Not-So-Jigyaasu Bharadwaj and Bash-wat Mishra were teary eyed at the sudden disappearnce of their friend and his so called resurfacing all over college website in different poses. "He was a normal boy. I always used to laugh when he used to claim that he was an engineer. I thought he couldnt uncode even a girl, and here he was claiming to be a guru of codes. I had my suspicions when he started getting his snaps clicked at different places in college, but never knew he would use them to hack the site and upload his pics there. Suddenly, he is the hero and everyone wants to know more about him. With just 4 months left in college, he has poured cold water on all my plans to impress girls with my coding skills. Everyone calls him the dark coder now. I am reduced to a nobody", said a teary eyed Not-So-Jigyasu Bharadwaj. His close friend, Bash-wat Mishra was equally surprised, "I had once caught Baju chatting under the pseudonym of Vampire_Innocent Kiss. I was sure of one thing, this guy can do anything to impress the fairer sex. But, I never knew he was this sharp". A wonder eyed, cute looking junior who had not known of Baju's existence till today morning was full of praise for him. "Oh!! He looks so cute with that silver frame and that charming smile. And he's got brains too. I loved the snap on the home page where he is in his blazer looking intently at the laptop. So intelligent he looks there.....and so cuteeeee!! Awwwww. Plus the one where he is sitting between the exchange students. He is a cutie pie. And ya ya ya...the one where he is sitting at the dhaba. Holy cow!! I think i am in love with him. Saurabh, if you are reading this....come back soon....and marry me please!!"

Saurabh Baju remains missing and no one knows his whereabouts. But everyone is full praise on the new website he has gifted to the college, peppered with his pictures. Baju has just written his name in the history books of the college. A prodigy is born.

yeM. yeS. Swaminathan,
yeM Bee yAe Campus News Correspondent

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

My Final Goodbye To You All

"You all have made my past one and a half year of my existence here the most memorable. I laughed, cried and frowned with all of you here. My home was no longer far. It was right here at my fingertips. The homesickness was gone. With all of you by my side whenever I needed a hug or a shoulder, I felt safe. I felt at peace. I have always believed that it is the waves of time and of experiences that give you a shape. That make you the person you are. You are born without a shape and as these waves hit you, it chisels your soul and leaves behind "you". Thanks for being the waves which helped me shape into a wonderful human being. Thanks for leaving behind a will to face challenges. Thanks for bearing with my tantrums. You all have been my friends and siblings and this place has been my primary abode. Thanks for making my home so beautiful to live in. Thanks for decorating it with your comments on my work.

My time has come. Time to move on. Time to leave all of you here. I have formed some forever friends here. I have tried my best to give you the best of what I had. Parting is inevitable. It's time for me to detach from you all. As I fade into memory, hope the memories i gifted always stay fresh in your mind. Hope the stories i narrated could manage to make you smile and helped you see the lighter side of things. If my philosophy has made a difference, then I feel blessed. Sorry for making you cry with all the emotional stories, but it was to make you realize that happiness and grief are two sides of the same coin.

A star has its life. It twinkles brightly, fades with time and then sizzles away. It knows its time has come. And when it does, it severes its ties and lets it go. They say if you wish something when you see a falling star, the wish would come true. That's how even in its dying moments, the star instills hope in everyone out there. And it makes its life worthwile. If I have been able to instill hope in even one of you through my works, I consider my stay worthwile. I consider my life worthwile. I consider my decision to start and shape this place the way it is today worthwile.
I will be here for you all. Like a guardian angel. Watching all of you from behind an invisible veil. Seeing you do stuff will make me proud of having shared this space with such brilliant minds. I will miss you all. With a heavy heart I bid goodbye to all.


Director: "Cutttttttttt!!! What a shot, Sandeep!! You got into the skin of the role of a priest embarking on his last journey to the "t"!! Good shot! Team......break for lunch!"

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

My Dearest

Dearest Ammu,

Today you turn 13. Welcome to the teenage years. Welcome to this new phase of your life where life becomes fun and challenging at the same time. What will unfold will be undoubtedly the best years of your life. You have been everything I ever wished for in a sister. Infact, you are the best sister ever! The last 12 years have been simply wonderful. You have been the only reason for me to look ahead for a new hope filled morning after a dull day.

You etched your image in my heart forever with that toothless smile you gave me the moment Amma kept you in my lap, the day you were born. When I close my eyes at night, it's that image which comes to my mind. I still laugh out loud when i remember the day when you as a toddler passed urine while sitting on my lap, and the school bus kept honking for me to board while Amma was busy pulling out a new pair of uniforms from the cupboard. I dont think you would recollect, but I was the one on whom you first tested the sharpness of your tiny teeth which had sprouted out of nowhere. It felt like a hundred syringes had just been inserted in my cheek. And you know how scared I am of syringes! The moment I was back from school I would head straight towards the bedroom, where Amma would be trying all the tricks in the book to get you to sleep, to catch that smile of yours on seeing me. And you would never disappoint. You were the angel sent to me by god. I relive all those moments every single day.

Everyday, I dream about you bringing the whole house down with your cries. There is not a single day which passes without your thought crossing my mind. I so wish you were around to see me join college. I so wish you were around to cheer me in all my achievements. I so wish you were around to bully me and pester me with all the requests only a sister has rights to. I so wish I could shower you with all kinds of gifts in this world. Sometimes I wish I could see how would look when you turned 13. For me, you will forever be that 1 year old cutie pie who managed to call me "Chetta" before God took you away. That word still echoes in my ears, every single day. For me you will always be the angel who still guides me from up above.

I miss you every second Ammu. Happy birthday to the best sister in this world! And yaa, I hope you like the barbie I have kept besides. I am aware that teenagers dont play with barbies, but what i KNOW is that you love dolls! :-)

Loads of love and hugs,

*P.S: This is a work of fiction

Thursday, October 29, 2009

One night stand

Amar: Last night was amazing bro!

Arvind: Wow maccha! Tell me more about it. You guys had fun, eh? Did you do it?

Amar: No, no. We just hugged and chatted all night long. But was a crazy night. She's hot man. And yaa...we kissed! And the taste still lingers

Arvind: Amazing man!! Well done brother. Step by step. Dont hurry! The mantra to success.

Amar: I think i am falling in love with her

Arvind: Don't spoil your life man! Have fun, while the sun shines bright

Amar: She's an angel brother. She is ravishing. Last night was the best night ever.

Arvind: Lucky scoundrel you are. Show me a glimpse of this ravishing beauty.

Amar: I managed to click a snap of hers, despite her reservations. Here, don't you agree she is amazing?

*After looking at the snap, takes out his cell and dials a number*

Arvind: Where the hell where you last night? Group studies?? Group studies my foot! Don't you lie to your brother, Veena!!
*Pic courtesy: psivamp (deviantart)

Saturday, October 24, 2009

An Eternal Wait

A Dream....A Hope.........A Wish...

for mornings which dont carry the blood stains of previous night....

for rains which cleanse every soul it touches, taking all the hatred away. ...

for a spring where flowers dont have to think before blooming. ...

for a winter where the white snow could cover this blood stained soil....

for rivers where you could wash off your sins....

for vessels which take you to safer shores weathering rough tides, instilling hope....

for roads which lead to a destination....

for a world which wont shrink further....

for amazing yesteryears....

for the lost innocence....

for a different world....

for a world sans caste....

for a world where a thousand trillion smiles illuminate the night sky.....

......An Eternal Wait!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

True Love

Ishita: Do you love me dear?

Balu: I do

Ishita: How much?

Balu: More than my life

Ishita: Promise me we will be always together. Till death do us part

Balu: Till death do us part, in every birth we take

Ishita: I know you are only mine. I won't trade you for the world!

Balu: You are the only girl I have ever known who genuinely cares for me and I appreciate it

Ishita: I really do

Balu: Whenever I see you near me, I feel so blessed

Ishita: I experience bliss

Balu: You are an angel couriered for me from above

Ishita: I have only started living after meeting you

Balu: It feels as if I know you since an eternity

Ishita: Strange. But true

Balu: Whenever I close my eyes, it's only you

Ishita: You will make me cry

Balu: I Love You

Ishita: I have always loved you. Love you too!

*Hug. Tighter hug. Tighest hug. Violins. Sparks. Breeze. Kiss*

Balu: Loving you is like losing myself

Ishita: Loving you is like finding myself

Balu: Don't you dare shed those tears! They are precious

Ishita: I know. My smile lights up your day. Tears unsettle you. I won't cry now. Ever!

Balu: You know me so well Asha

Ishita: Huh. Who is Asha?

Balu: Oops! Sorry! You also know me so well Nisha....

Ishita: Get Lost!

Balu: Don't go away! Don't! Oops...Hey...Ohh...Hello...Errr...Didn't I say "Loving you is like losing myself"....Short term memory loss is just the beginning of the whole process.....Stoppppppp...Atleast leave back my Nokia Touch 5800 we exchanged last week. Take your Nokia 1100 with you. God!! Stopppppppppp......

*Image courtesy:*

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Rocking Concept

The agency was all set to make their presentation on a concept they had cracked for Chennai. After settling down in our seats we ordered the customary biscuits and coffee to keep the energy levels high for the discussions and brainstorming session towards the end of the presentation. A good presentation is like keeping the plate of salad before guests, it has to look good. Like eager to please hosts wherein you put in a generous word or two about the cooking abilities of your wife/mother before the final showdown just to create an impression, presentations require that added personal touch beforehand to shine in all glory when presented. But if the guest stumps you with a question like “Your wife can cook too?”, you are often left in a state where speech screeches to a sudden halt on its way up your larynx and forms lumps in your throats. Wondering how something similar can happen with presentations? That’s just what happened that day!

I was joined by my colleague and boss in the meeting room, and we were looking forward to an enthralling session. You have to, especially when Roy, the creative director with our agency had excitedly communicated across the phone that he had managed to crack a brilliant concept for Chennai. “Brilliant” often turns to “Good” when the realization dawns that the concept takes a completely different route than what was suggested, later to “Work in progress” when you convey that doing something like this would not be technically feasible, and may end up in “I thought so as well” when you point out that the ROI is taking a hit in the name of creativity and may not justify the money spent, depending on the skill of the speaker. I was hoping that it turns out to be a brilliant one given Roy’s track record and relationship with us, but nothing had prepared me for what was to follow.

“I hope you have managed to address the issues which the last concept had. If we don’t, it might end up backfiring and we will lose the opportunity bro”, I looked at Roy in anticipation

“Nothing to worry, Sandeep. I was on a holiday and had not gone through the last one shared. That’s were the problem happened”, he assured me.

“And what about the costs yaar?? If you have come with something even remotely close to the ones you shared for the last one, I may not have enough budgets to make this campaign see the light of the day. I trust you have worked out a feasible solution”, I confirmed with him. It’s a classic battle of costs v/s creativity discussion that every client and agency have each time a presentation is made. All is well till the final slide of “Project Cost” comes up and all hell breaks loose.

Trust me on that. We know your limitations now that we have worked on the brand for almost a year now. And money is always a polite way of conveying that we don’t like the concept”, said Roy and with that we burst out laughing. I controlled myself when I noticed that my colleague had chosen not to laugh on the joke and was glancing at her watch suggesting that we start off. Roy also noticed the same, and without waiting for my nod started off.

Roy cleared his throat and said, “As you see, we have got a rocking concept for Chennai.”

“What??” blurted out my colleague, with a look of shock on her face

“I just said that this Chennai concept is rocking”, Roy reinstated. A visible hesitancy had crept into his voice now.

“What are you saying? Have you done your background research? Do you still stand by that statement of yours?” asked my colleague with a smirk on her face. “I don’t think this concept will work. Chennai people are just not into ROCK music!!” she said and looked towards me in anticipation for support.

I controlled my urge to laugh and managed to look back into her eyes and gave an approving nod.

I don’t blame the waiters at the restaurant where I went for dinner with Roy who witnessed us laughing our hearts out for thinking we were out of our minds

Thursday, June 18, 2009


Yipppeeeee....I won.....I won.....I won.....phew....coining a 20 word caption for a contest was tougher than I had imagined it to be.

We had a "WL Caption Contest 09" at Writers Lounge, conceptualized and organized by Bhargav Saikia. Bhargav is a movie critic and I am in love with his reviews. You can head to his site for reviews anytime.

The participants were required to come up with a 20 word caption for the pics he uploaded. There were two pics, one from Ghajini (below) and the other from Saawariya. I went for the Ghajini one and here is my caption for the same:

"Muscular body se zyaada zaroori hai tandorust dimaag
Tann aur mann ki shakti ke liye Bournvita
Bournvita on, Tattoos gone!!"

The thought behind the same being that once Aamir starts drinking bournvita, he would no longer need to rely on tattoos on his body to remember things. Because a glass of bournvita everyday will ensure that his brain is fit, well oiled and working fine. So his frustrations and pains would vanish. Blame my brand background for coming up with a product campaign instead of a caption. I stood second and won a DVD of Dev D for these 20 words......isn't it fantastic?? Yeyyyyyy!!

Here is the winning entry by Pulkit. He won DVD's of DDLJ and Oye Lucky Lucky Oye!

"Garmi ke mausam mein...chimti aur taaron ke bina khidki pe dhoti sukhane ka naya ishtyle...thanda thanda cool cool"

This contest was preceded by a "Warm up Caption Contest" around a picture of Herapheri. Here are my takes on this picture. Blame my twisted lil brain for all that is to follow :-)

"Ek puppy ko na maani, kaahe ki ab yeh jawaani"

"Ab haseenaon ko sarr ghumaane par majboor keejiye...Pushpa baniyaan and underwears hi pehaniye...Haseenaon ki pehli pasand"

"Baap ban ne ke liye kissi haseena ke saamne na gidgidaaye. Ghar le aaye Energy 32 capsules. Shaan se poocho..."Maa Banogi". Energy 32 capsules...Real capsules for real men!"

"Kyun dekho Bipasha jab dikh sakti hain Pamela. Puraane chasme tyaago, Crizal ke chasme apnaao"

Kudos to Bhargav for organizing this contest. I will forever treasure the prize. Hope you had fun reading our takes on these pictures. Enjoy!


P.S: I know, i know....have not been that active of late. A big big sorry from my side. A lil tied up with work. I will be back with a story and make up for my absence. In the meantime, you would want to check out, which we are currently working on. Live your bollywood fantasy and have fun! Lights...Cameras....Actionnnnn!! :-)

Saturday, May 23, 2009

I Turn "ONE"!!!

Hi Friends....

It's me....yes...for's me....the blog which was christened "yeM Bee yAe" by my father Sandeep. Well, about Sandeep. My father. A young guy who is still very much there in the "youth category"...infact who is clinging on to his youth and counting his last days before he is sucked into the sufferings that old age brings with it. Sandeep Balan aka Balu, the one who cooks up the most painful of stories, who likes pulling legs n pens some hilarious ones, who has taken to philosophy of late and laughs out loud after every "serious" post of his trying to explain life. Explain life?? he he...I doubt whether Sandeep can even spell "L.I.F.E" his own words "LIFE" stands for "Lost In Fun till Eternity" is actually funny to read some serious takes from this crackpot and the worse is when people end up liking his so called "serious" philosophies. This world is sure going to end soon, I the blog called "yeM Bee yAe" is warning you all. The world is going to laugh its way to its end.

Sandeep..........hmmmmm......met my mother "blogspot" on May 23rd, 2008 and fell in love with her. They had their first baby on that very day they met. May 23rd, 2008....when their bodies became one...when their souls became one...when they made love for the first time...within 10 mins I was born. The "yeM Bee yAe" saw the outside world for the first time. Unlike the other babies who entered this cruel world crying their hearts out, I was laughing. Laughing like mad. I thought mom n dad would spend some time with me adoring their beautiful baby. But, Sandeep's desperation knew no end. He had not had enough. He picked up my mom blopspot in his arms and headed to the bedroom for the second time in the evening. And they came back to me after 5 mins and kept my brother, "Day 0: The Goofers" besides me. He also was laughing out like mad. Maybe it was in our genes to be this way. Including that brother, I have had 58 brothers & sisters in the past 1 year. Some came into this world smiling. Some cried their lungs out. And today we are all together. This day, May 23rd, is very special for our family.
Mom & dad are in the bedroom again. By the time I am done with my speech, in all probability (provided my father has not turned impotent all of a sudden) one more name will be added to our family....making us 59.


I would like to thank all for supporting me in this journey of mine. I turn one on blogspot today. It is an elevating feeling. I had started off my blog as an experiment. To understand how a "blog" functions. And today I stand knee deep in this quicksand and I dont want to jump out. Because I have met my most special bunch here. Friends I would die for. I found love, care and the real "me" here. My family at "Writers Lounge" who mean the world to me.

Kajal impersonated me at "Writers Lounge" and gave a speech. I would have written the same. Only one small change in her lines. I would have added her name as well along with Ste's n Asbah's. My special bunch.
'Hello Family,
Today your very own Sandeep - the jester, completes one year in the blog world. 23rd May 2008 was when I'd given birth to my baby 'yeM Bee yAe' (whosoever thought men can not give birth ;). Today when I look back I see a million shared smiles, thousand tears, countless giggles, boundless nods in agreement, a hundred 'I could relate to it' and all this makes my chest swell with pride. Not your applauds but this feeling that somewhere deep down I was able to touch a few lives, make space for myself in a few hearts.

Smile, is the only drug that gives me a high and if added with a laughter then I don't want anything else, my day is already made. Well that's what most of my writes aim at. But when I write something philosophical, heartfelt, based on the shaky grounds of emotions and firm grounds of practility, that's when I don't believe myself that I wrote this, but yes that gives the writer in me, a great satisfaction, nonetheless.

In this one year, I have made so many friends who will last with me till my lifetime and beyond. In this one year, I ended up creating this 'Family' with my co-founders or partners in crime (Asbah and Ste). Today when I see all you ever creative people I get emotional and proud because after all each one of you make this place what it is today - The Writers' Lounge - Our family - A second home to all of us.

My note will be incomplete if I do not mention that pulling Ste's legs in every possible manner is the most exciting thing for me and I keep doing it again and again. Lol but Stephen knows he is dear to me. Love You Biraather!

I am starting to get all nostalgic now. Just wanted to thank you guys, for all your love, motivation, encouragement, LOLs and ROFLs because that's what kept me going in this one year and Inshallah it will continue till ages to come.

You guys have become an intergral part of me and I cannot imagine myself without you!


Can you beleive it that I have not written it?? he he...Read her post here

My Twin's (Priyanka) dedication:

yeM Bee yAe Turns One! :) :)

year ago, on this special day, an
eclectic guy found his way, with his
Magical words and astounding self, he soon

Became everyone’s philosopher and friend
edenic and poignant are his thoughts, with
ease he can touch your soul and heart

yes, with his words so enchanting and pure
Any melancholy of yours, he can cure
everything he writes is a pleasure to read

Tactful gentle and miraculous indeed
Understanding and solicitous are many of his writes
Radiating hope, giving delight
Numerous others are amusing and fun
Superb they are, can be compared to none; yes an

Outstanding blaaaag this one, lots of hearts it has won
Now wishing this baby many many amazing years to come, as this
Elite masterpiece yeM Bee yAe today turns one!

Miles to go before I sleep. Miles to go before I sleep. Rock on!! Yeyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Monday, May 18, 2009

All You Need Is A "Will" To Smile

“Golu, Will you try answering one question for me?”

Sandeep kept looking towards Appu in amazement, visibly surprised at this sudden request.

“Why is it that wounds which are not visible to naked eye hurt the most?"

Sandeep shook his head. He doubted there was anyone who could answer that question with perfect confidence.

But Appu’s voice was ringing with confidence as she continued. “That’s because while a physical wound inflicts damage on your body, these wounds tear open your mind and soul. This pain is excruciating, because the damage is done to your psyche and not your body.”

Sandeep nodded, appreciating her logic. He was the perfect listener. The one who was all ears if the speaker wanted his complete attention. And after all that his best friend Appu had gone through in the past couple of months, he had made it a point to be there besides her as a pillar of strength.

Appu broke into tears the next moment. Sandeep frowned at the sight of her confidence shattering to pieces and tried comforting her. She was weeping inconsolably.

“Golu…Why did it happen with me daa? Everything seemed so picture perfect. It took only a wind to shatter my dreams. These shattered pieces of glass cut deeper into my skin at every passing thought of his. I am losing myself daa. I can never be happy ever again. I am bleeding every moment. Every song reminds me of him. Every place brings back old memories. My wounds will never heal Golu. And I can’t go on like this. I have to learn to mask these wounds. From my parents, my friends and the outside world. I don’t seem to be getting anywhere daa. Please help me with this question that keeps on raising its hood in my mind every now and then. Will my wounds heal first or will I learn to mask them first?” She again broke down after asking that question.

It was Sandeep’s turn now to act confident. He gently stroked her hair and gave her a tight hug.

“Bhondu…..those two questions are seemingly different and difficult, but the answer is interlinked and not that hard. It’s like killing two birds with one stone. It’s finding the right stone that is of utmost importance here.

Take the human body as an example Bhondu. It’s such a complex machine. It’s unbelievable to think that a lump of muscle evolved into atriums, valves, ventricles and arteries resulting in a continuous supply of oxygen to the brain, all in such a way as to make it actually control the parts and enabling the body to spring to life. It’s like turning on the ignition of the car with the heart serving as the engine which pumps the fuel to all the parts. Or take the human eye. As Ryuji in Ring admits that it’s next to impossible to imagine that a piece of skin evolved into a cornea, a pupil, an eyeball, an optical nerve connecting it to the brain, all in such a way as to make it actually see. It’s hard to believe it all happened by chance. There first had to be a will to live, a will to breathe, a will to see, buried somewhere inside living things. Without it, these mechanisms would never have taken shape.

You can even take the example of sea turtles. They dig the earth and lay their eggs therein before heading back to the ocean, leaving the hatchlings completely at nature’s mercy. After hatching, young turtles may take three to seven days to dig their way to the surface. But they do dig their way out. They do it with their sheer will. Hatchlings distinguish light intensities and head for the greater light intensity of the open horizon. After reaching the surf, it dives into a wave and rides the undertow out to sea. They continuously swim for about 24 to 48 hours after entering the water, enabling it to get into the deeper water. A new born pushing its stamina to the limit and fighting odds just to survive. It’s hard to believe it all happened by chance. There had to be a will to fight, a will to survive, a will to challenge.

It’s the “will” that matters Bhondu, a will to heal, a will to spring back to normalcy, a will to forget. If a lump of muscle, a piece of skin and a hatchling can will and attain the impossible; you only need a will to fight your internal demons. It’s an impulse. Where that impulse comes from, I have no idea. It may come from close quarters like your family, your siblings and your friends. It may also come from unexpected quarters like taking up your hobbies, providing an outlet to your creativity and knowing the true you. That’s the precious stone you need to search for Bhondu. You have to find it. I can only help you in the search. But it’s you who have to catch hold of this precious stone called “will” and kill those two faced demons which keep raising their hoods. Which I know for sure my Appu will!!”

*Pic courtesy: Deviant Art

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

One lifetime is not enough!!

“I am grateful to you to have made me feel the divine, magical wonder that is, love. It is this emotion that so many out there pine to feel, to understand, to know. So many souls still have an utmost desire to fall in love once, at least once. Thanks for making me feel blessed Sonu. It is these memories that I will treasure forever”, Aparna was looking straight into his eyes. Her eyes shined, tears streaming down her round face.

For him, she had always been his bubbly little angel. An angel who could never fake her emotions. An angel whose giggles made him crazy and happy. And today he had no control over her tears. He had vowed never to make her shed these tears, unless they were tears of happiness. But today, he let her be. These tears were an outlet to her frustrations and helplessness. Tears which had accumulated since the day her parents broke the news of their plans for her marriage. Tears which screamed of her inability to convince her parents. Tears which had repent written all over for her frustrating past which had squashed her dreams of a carefree future. Tears which spoke volumes of her unconditional love and desire for him. Tears which had “her” and “him” and the dream castles they had weaved together written all over.

Sonu hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead. He was fighting back his tears. He could not afford to break down and make her feel worse. He gently stroked her hair and pulled her close to his chest. Wiping away the tears, he whispered into her ears, “Appu. I love you. Nothing can change that. No force can. Ever!! Love is never a fault. It is a gift only the blessed soul’s experience. Love is an emotion which devours everything. It’s about discovering a whole new side of us which we never knew existed. It’s about leaving behind a part of “me” in you and taking a part of “you” with me. These worldly ties may stop us from physically uniting and living this bliss. But no tie can ever take away that part of “me” which lives in you. No one can strangulate the “me” in you and the “you” in me.

Who says I will not be with you dear? Who says we won’t be able to see each other? Who says we won’t be able to love each other? Who says I won’t be able to touch you? I could. I can. I always will. Whenever I will look at the moon, I will see your reflection there. Because I know you would be looking at it to see mine. The moon will act as my mirror to see you. I don’t need to be physically present besides you to be able to bathe in your divine presence. Whenever I feel the breeze on my face, I can feel your touch. The birds chirping outside your window are my sweet dedications to you. The dog that so often crosses your path and follows you is me protecting you from the lurking dangers ahead. It is me keeping a watch protecting the most precious treasure I have. The cat which comes and cuddles close to your legs is me yearning for your touch. The winds, leaves and petals you touch when you reach out to touch me are my messengers. They keep me informed of your every emotion, your every frown, and your sweet nothings. The sleepless nights that you have is my soul talking to yours over the phone. The sound of the ceiling fan whirring is your giggles on my jokes. Your clothes’s sticking to your body because of the sweat is my way of hugging you. I am the rays of the sun that is touching you in a way only I can. When you see strangers greeting you with a smile, it is me wishing you good morning. When you pull that sheet over you before falling asleep, it is my way of kissing you good night.

Where can I ever go Appu? I am always there with you, besides you, for you. In every little thing you do. In your every decision. In your every smile. In your every tear. In your every joy. In your every step. Walking with my fingers entwined in yours. I am there wherever you are. Because from the moment I fell in love with you, I had ceased to be me. I was “you”. And there is no “you” without “me”. There can never be “me” without “you”. A lifetime is not enough for our love. Then why do you fear? Why do you cry? We are meant to be. We are soul mates. We are destined to meet. In every lifetime. We are his most precious creations. He wants us to learn lessons in each lifetime of ours. This lifetime we were destined to learn about pain and parting. Let’s go through this pain with the knowledge that we are there for each other. Let’s go through this pain knowing that we have met our soul mate who even death can’t snatch. Let’s go through this pain knowing that there will be a tomorrow which will belong to “us”. I love you. I am with you. Today….Tomorrow….Forever!”

Thursday, April 23, 2009

This Elixir that is you!

(My first attempt at fib poetry. The rule here is to follow the syllable count of 1-1-2-3-5-8-13-21. Thanks Prats and Kajal for teaching and helping me out with this style of poetry and making me take the plunge in the Irresistible series at The Writers Lounge)

this rare
called you on my lips
A thousand deaths in sheer pleasure
A lifetime lived; you melted at the tip of my lips.
Quenching the thirst of my heartbeats, drenching my soul; the drops of elixir that is you

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Be The Unsinkable

"O learned one! I can't go on like this. The world seems so unfair"

"No, it's not son. Everything happens for a reason. You grow. You end up being more mature"

"Is this the way you grow father? Is this the way you learn? Is there so much hurt and hearache involved? This pain is excruciating o learned one! I can't bear this any more. Love is not meant for me. I feel betrayed, used and cheated! I will never be able to trust anyone. I will never be able to live life. I will never ever know what being happy is all about. I hate this pathetic existence"

"A man who falls in his own eyes falls in the everyone's eyes. Please understand, my dear. Life is not a dead end. Its a never ending mine of lessons. Lessons to learn. Lessons to cherish. Lessons to realize. You never remember the pains in the long run. It's just the gains"

"It pains father. It really does. Every single memory of hers brings back that twitch. I will bleed to death if it goes on like this. If you have to go through this pain in parting, I would never ever be in a relationship! Oh..What have I become? I have changed. This is not me. I am not this soul less creature you see in front of you father. I used to breathe. I used to live. I only survive now. I am now filled with only pessimistic thougths. This pain has sucked all the joy from my system. I don't have any reason to be joyful! You say I am growing in the process. Is growing up always this painful father?"

"This pain has nothing to do with your growing child. Neither it has to do with the process of your learning. This pain is all because of the false expectations you had built. This pain is all because of the realization. It's this realization that helps you grow. It's this realization that transforms you. It's this realization that helps you become a mature individual. If there are so many gains at the cost of a momentary pain, is not that desirable my child? Does not a kid who has just learnt to walk fall down a thousand times before mastering the art of balancing the body on their legs? The joy of walking those first steps overshadows the pain inflicted by the fall on the body. Does not a sailing boat manage to reach its destination despite winds being unfavorable? The joy of your sail withstanding the storm and pulling through overshadows the pain inflicted by the weather on the sail. Does a kite ever rise with the wind? It always rises against it. It's more painful to fight the powerful winds against you. The joy of flying and touching the sky overshadows the pain inflicted on the body of the kite.

Your heart is no different from all of these. It flutters feverishly with emotions. It blindly follows the one who gives it some love. It starts expecting and clinging desperately to that special one despite the knowledge and mutual acknowledgement that things won't work between them. The castles built in thin air come crashing down, causing pain and heartache. But ask yourself, what did you gain in the process? What did you learn in the process? Why did God not be kind on you and grant you this one wish of patching up with that someone? You gained understanding in the process. You learned that love is not forced, ever! You found out the benevolence of god in showing you the path before it got too late. You got to know that he considers you the best and has reserved the best for you. You acknowledged that your soulmate is for real and the day when you are with her is not far. You realized that the river would ultimately find it's way to the sea, no matter the obstructions. Nothing can make the river change its course and if it has to, it will dry out. You are the sea. Wait patiently for that river. Sometimes it may take a day. Sometimes an eternity. But it is the rivers destiny to reach the sea and reach it would for sure. The joy of this wait overshadows the pain inflicted by the realization. It was never meant to be. And what is meant to be, will never leave you hurt.

Happiness never comes with a "* Conditions apply" tag!! And if it does, it was never happiness. And if you considered it as one, now you know to differentiate. Life is a lesson. The pain of an impending death is overshadowed by the joy of unravelling the mysteries of life. Take the spade and jump in. Who knows what you may strike up on? Life is too short to look back and repent at your mistakes. Life is to be lived only one way.....celebrating this gift! :-) "

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The Dilemma

“Oh Father, Help me out!!”

“I am always here by your side child. Tell me, what is troubling you?”

“Dear Father, its love. I am in a dilemma”

“Love never leaves a room for any sort of dilemma my child. How come you are faced with one?”

“I don’t know father. She was the one with whom I could feel that connect, that purest form of relationship and the true desire to be one. But are they all that are important. That question keeps troubling me, and I don’t know what to do with this other proposal my parents are forcing me to accept. This girl is from our caste and belongs to a rich and influential family. Isn’t money the supreme thing? My parents say that love would eventually happen. So would connect, relationship and that desire. Will it father?”

“If these thoughts have crept in your mind and you plan to even consider this choice, then I won’t be wrong in saying that you never loved her at all. And it also speaks a lot about your self belief and ability to fight the odds. The girl would be better off without you, my child! You are not worthy of her love. It's a shame that you should even consider the choice.”

“You think so father? It's not that i have not loved her. I had. As dearly and deeply any man would have ever loved a woman. She was always the one for me, till my parents popped up this question. I had once truly loved this girl, a feeling which got stronger with time. I loved her for five long years. But now I do feel something is missing. Does love and care diminsh with time father? My parents say that money and status are more important, love would eventually happen. There is a family status I need to safeguard. And isn't it true that in today's world, money can buy everything? There is no place for love. My love is a thing of the past. Time will heal it.”

“It can’t, my child. Time strengthens your love, never diminishes it. And love blindfolds you from even considering other options, even if your love is a decade old. That’s what madly and truly being in love is all about.”

“Why can’t you? Is this not what kids do to their toys when they grow up and find it no more worthy of their attention? Is this not what a honeybee does when it sucks all the nectar from the flower? Is this not what the sea does to the sand castles made on the shore by children? Abandon, take advantage and destroy. And move on, devoid of any remorse?”

“No, my child! You are mistaken. Kids get bored of their toys and throw them away for a new one, but years down the line it’s the sight of these long abandoned toys that reminds them of their best times. Of the times that will never come back. They would be ready to trade off all their wealth for that moment. The toy is lost, not the connection and emotions it generates inside the individual. You can’t buy that connection with money, neither can you destroy it.A honeybee sucks all the nectar from the flower. True. But it does so not to spit it off, rather to painstakingly convert it into honey and stores it in its beehive. The flower willingly gives away its nectar enabling the honeybee to convert it into honey, a very stable food. It naturally resists molds, fungi and other bacteria, allowing it to last for years without refrigeration. It’s not about the process of the conversion into honey here, it never was. Synthetic honey can be bought by money, but never a pure one. Because the basic ingredient that goes into the making of a natural honey is the relationship. Of the relationship the honeybee shares with the flower. You can’t buy relationships with money.It’s the fate of the sand castles built on the shore to mix with the sea. To unite with its family. To get back to where it belongs. It’s the desire of every single granule of sand that is a part of the sand castle. This collective desire forces the sea to embrace it. To take it along with it. It’s the way of the sea to teach the sand to learn to miss being with it. And every time the sea feels that the sand has learnt what the sea means to it, it washes the castle and takes it along with it, and the next wave deposits the new batch of sand for this lesson. Money can buy you fixers and holders for your sand castle, but nothing to hold away this desire.When money can’t buy you connection, emotions, pure relationships and a sure shot way to reverse true desires; how can you leave true love for money child? Can you? Or should I rather ask, will you?

Monday, April 13, 2009

The Fog

“You will fly away in an hour. I will miss you Mr. Goluraam. You really have to go? Can’t you stay back?”

“It’s not that I don’t wish to, my sweety pie BhonduKali. But I have no choice”

“One year!! My Golu will be away from me for a whole year. Don’t go sweety! Please stay back naa. I can’t even imagine one whole year without you daa”

“Bhondu my love….You think I won’t miss you. I would, every second. Just think of it as a test before we start our lives together.”

“Golu. I am not that strong dear. You know that. And I don’t want to give any tests. Not at the expense of staying away from you. I can’t refrain myself from making a call to you every now and then for silly things. And here you are, going away for one whole year! Please don’t go!”

“Who said I am going away my Bhondu? I am right here. With you… In your thoughts... In your dreams”

“I can’t survive on just thoughts and dreams of my Golu. I simply can’t. You complete me. In every sense. Without you, I am like a body without a soul. You will find more beautiful girls than me there in States. One year is long enough for you to forget all about my existence. I will lose you. Please don’t go”

“Who said your soul is leaving you jaan? Can you come outside and look towards the sky from your balcony?”

“From my balcony? At this hour of the night? Have you gone nuts? Why do you want me to do that? It’s freezing outside”

“Do as I say Bhondu jaan? For me. Please. And I promise you won’t feel the cold. Mr. Golu da promise”

“I am here. Now what? It’s really foggy out here today. I can barely see the stars even. The moon is playing hide and seek as well”

“I know. Life is like that fog you see right now Bhondu. Acting as a veil between the stars and their admirers. You are the star jaan. And I am your admirer. I wish to see you sparkling and shining every moment. I want to bathe in your shine. And you shine brighter for your admirer. Blushing at all the attention and love you are being showered with from down here. And then all of a sudden, the fog comes in between us. That’s life playing its games. Everything else remains the same. It’s just the fog in between both of us. A temporary blindness. A state where the star is unsure about whether its admirer is still watching from down there and vice versa. It’s when the star will continue to shine brightly and sparkle hoping and wishing not to let her admirer down, if the fog lifts any moment, when we can say that their relationship has really matured. It’s about the feeling the star has that it has someone watching it from down below. It’s about the feeling the admirer has that he will catch his star twinkling brightly for him the moment this fog lifts. This feeling is called hope. This feeling is called desire to be one. This feeling is called love. Wait for the fog to lift. If our relationship was strong, if we were really meant to be, you would continue to twinkle brightly for me when this fog will lift after a year. And you will find me admiring your beauty and shine right here. Then we would have passed the test. Time will teach you to be strong jaan. Everything will be fine. Trust me”

“Goluuuuuu…I love you…”

“I love you too….See…the fog is already allowing you sneak peeks…he he…oooops…they have announced the boarding for my flight. I will miss you my star. Love you loads”
The humour cuppa.....awaiting Humour Shack

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The humour side!


I decided to gift myself a new blog after my 50th post here. Not that this one would be discontinued. The "yeM Bee yAe" would continue to churn out stories and everything it has been known for right from the beginning. Just that it gets a new brother today. A brother who is crazy. A brother who knows only the humourous side of life. A brother who is a total crackpot. A brother who is total fun to be with. A brother who complements the multi faceted "yeM Bee yAe" with its trademark humour. Welcome the brother "Humour Shack" into blogpuram.

I have always wanted to have a blog which will have only make people laugh. No sad stuff. Just plain humour posts. My brand of tongue in cheek humour. "yeM Bee yAe" will continue to be what it is. A place for my short stories, twisted humour series, philosophical rants and video posts. I hope you all love and follow "Humour Shack"......just the way you have loved and followed my other son, the "yeM Bee yAe"

Love you all......Keep rocking Blogpuram

Monday, April 6, 2009

And the 50th one!


I agree friends...I agree....I have literally crawled my way through posts here in the past few months....Should have reached this milestone with a six like Sehwag always does....But I suddenly got all messed up and busy in work. You all would be happy to learn that the project I was working on with my agency Tribal DDB has won two bronze Abby awards (Advertising awards) at the Goa fest yesterday. We won in the categories of "Mobile Innovation" and "Direct Response". You can check out the interactive website , which kept me away but which helped us win laurels at the Abby awards. I hope all of you would forgive me for not being that active at this place i call my second home because of the workload. I wanted to share my happiness with all of you and here I am. Penning away to glory. My 50th post!

I have formed a big gang of online friends in the course of this journey of mine. A blog which started off just to understand how a "blog" functions, saw me cooking up stories, humour n a lil bit of everything I always wanted to pen. I enjoyed cooking up plots for my short stories & grew in confidence with all of you encouraging me on. Today, this mallu blogger from God's Own Country, Devil's Own Backyard is here to acknowledge all those who have been with him all along this bumpy ride.

I bestow on you "The Coconut Award" :-). An acknowledgement of the fact that you and your blog are as cool as a coconut drink. In its purest form. No additives, no preservatives...just you. And I love you all for being you!

Presenting the newest entrant into blogpuram...."The Coconut Award"......

The award goes to:

Stephen: For being there. Always. Right from the start. For co-founding "The Writers Lounge" with me and Asbah. A place bubbling with talent and energy. A place we call our home and our virtual family.

Asbah: For being a sweetheart. A friend who is always near despite the distance between us. She is much more than a friend. She understands me. Stands by me. Fights for me. Cries for me. She is one girl I want to meet before i die. An amazing writer, I really appreciate her deep thoughts.

Kajal aka The Pink Orchid: She is my magic wand. My magic spell. Every single line that I co-write with this angel forms sheer magic. She completed her 100 days in the blogpuram a few days ago. And this magician has 101 followers to her credit. She pens straight from her heart, the words formed out of her blood. She's the purest form, a true angel.

Mona: My lil poet. I have never come across someone who rhymes with such effortless ease! She makes it seem so simple. God gifted talent.

Priyanka: My twin. My sibling. The first one to comment on all my posts. And always ready with those encouraging words, however bad my post be. A total sweetheart! And an amazing poet.

Neha: Writes amazingly well...great descriptions. The biggest Venky alive :-)

The Writers Lounge members: A place we created for budding poets and writers. We are a big family there. A talented bunch. Nandhini, Arjun, John, Chirag, Leo, Pratibha, Tan, Hashan, Aarthi, Charu, Vitruvian Boy, Gaurav, Rashi, Ilashree, Jack, NavChawla, Nabila, Uzra, Insia, Ashrita, Heena and every single member out there. This award is for each one of you for making this place what it is!

Usha: What do i say about Usha? Words fail me! She is always there. To pat you on the back at the end of every post. Does she weave magic with her poems? You bet. Just browse through her site and you will be mesmerized! For promise!

Harshita: Recent joinee. Fun personified. Her comments make my day.

Kartz: My comment section is so incomplete without his *Peace* adorning my space. A gem.

Arunima: Her honest comments keep me grounded. A fabulous blogger, she makes it a point to highlight the parts where she feels you could have done better. A million thanks for being "you"

Matangi: Wow!! What a writer! What a writer! She is simply fabulous. Her short stories have always been an inspiration. She never disappoints. Never ever!

Ani: Keep the mallu flag flying high in Scotland babe! You are the best. Muah!

Aditya aka the Lover: You have to read him to believe him. A class apart!

Kaushal: Cherry Flavoured Antacids. Comfortably Numb. Homer. Many names. One man. I am yet to see a better poet in blogpuram. My Choteeeeeeeeeee :-)

Another Blogger: I dont know her name. he he. Just know that she's a doc. And her display image gives away the fact that she is gorgeous too. He he he. She is so damn hilarious. I am simply in love with her impromptu posts. She ensures that she has your complete attention when you read her posts. They are so fun! I am so sorry babe that I had to keep you waiting for the third part of "The Blonde" series. Public apology. He he...

Tara: My "daa"....She is a total sweetheart. She makes it a point to come and comment on every post, the moment she sees an update on her sidebar. I love you loads! Muah! You writer fabulously fabulous daa :-)

Divya: Her pettles and pebbles is one of the best blogs I have come across in a while! Always there....A big hug!

Piyush: He was the first one to blogroll me. To give me that confidence. That I "can" write. Thanks a ton brother. For being there.

Praveen: Real posts. Real incidents. The Real Man. The World of Crusader! He means every word when he puts a disclaimer saying that any similarity with anyone living or dead is purely intentional. Speaks his mind. And loved for that. A blessed writer. Gifted with the ability to motivate and gather support around an issue. A gem @ blogpuram

There are a few non-blogger friends I would want to mention as well, without whom i am not complete. My friends, who define me.

I want to give a big hug to my gang: Gudiya aka Dumbo aka Cutie aka Naishy, TJ aka Jyoti aka Tapa aka dude, Moti Bhains aka Saand aka Vidya Balan aka Straight Hair Moti aka Niyati, Nano aka Chotu aka Chor aka Tewari aka Confidence aka Divya, Garry aka Olive Oyl aka Senorita aka Garima, Luchi aka Scarlet aka Ruchi, Major aka e-Bhagat aka Bharat, Geetz aka Lizzy aka Sweetheart aka Bagtrophobia aka byeeeeeeee aka Geetika, Cylinder aka Meghooo aka Jeez aka Meghna, 3/4th aka Abbhi aka Chill babe aka Shruti, My food bank aka Aparna, My fellow mallu colleague aka Aravind B. aka fan aka follower, All of FMG 16 n 17 aka my Superjuniors who come down regularly. I love all of you. I am nothing without you. And everything with you. *Hugs*

P.S: I hereby promise to blog daily for many days to follow to compensate for my absence. Promise!!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Blonde - Part 3

# Thanks Priyanka for helping me pen this one and help give flow to my thoughts and ideas. This last part would not have been possible without you. The looooooooooooong break didnt help me much. But all thanks to her, i have been able to post the concluding part of this series. And have shaken the rust off me too.....Am Back!! Cheers!! And a million apologies to all my readers for the delay.

Swami just could not believe in his luck today. He had always been one of those desperate kinds whose idea of a perfect day started and ended with only one requirement: ‘A Girl’. School, college and now job, Swami had left no stone unturned to try his chance at any living being belonging to the ‘XX’ species. But luck had always deserted him. He had been positioned as the most desperate guy on planet and girls avoided him like plague.

He had even once joined a crash course in dating named ‘Way to woo’ to get a few tips on impressing the opposite sex. The so called institute claimed a success rate of 99%. Without realising that it were souls like him who fell into that 1% category, he religiously followed all tips he learned, but to no avail. On the last day of the course was given the master tip – ‘Don’t give a damn!’ While all other tips focussed on taking steps to show interest in a girl, this was the anti and was given in the end if everything else had failed. This was because of the risk involved in its implementation. It had a very simple strategy – Just to show that you are ‘not interested’!! A ‘successful’ acquaintance had told Swami how different strategies worked with different girls, and how this master strategy worked with almost all. Showing some interest initially followed by steps like ‘Will meet later…’ or ‘I am busy/sleepy/tired…will talk later…’ etc worked wonders many a times. But not for Swami. The only girl from his college who had showed a little interest in him never called back after Swami gave her his ‘I am busy’ dose.

But today seemed to be his day, and he wanted to leave no chance to turn the day into ‘THE’ day. His phone beeped. His boss had messaged him the flight details of Christy. It would scheduled to land at the Mumbai airport in 3 hours. He rushed to the medical shop on the other side o f the road to pick "IT" up. He would need it for sure for Americans are very particular about using protection. Swami did not want his not having one to spoil his chances for the night. "Bhaiya, ek packet dena toh zara", he approached the chemist, blushing away to glory. "Ek kya doon? Headache hain or cold?", enquired the chemist. Swami had turned all red, "Nahi. I need joh use karna chaahiye." He stopped abrubtly while asking for it when he saw a girl approaching the counter. He waited for a good 20 minutes waiting for her to leave the shop. He started fiddling with the bottles kept at the counter. Swami could not get himself to ask for it. Managing to muster all courage he had, he decided that he would ask it without any hitches this time and cleared his throat for the same. At that very moment Mr. Ramamoorthy, one of his colleagues who stayed in the same society, came in asking for a thermometer. He greeted Swami with a smile. Swami was getting nervous now. The shopkeeper got the hint now what he wanted. "You want a packet of condom Sir. Aap log bhi naa. Itna sharmaate kyun hain!! Wait, i will just give it to you”. Swami was left red faced. He looked sheepishly towards Mr. Ramamoorthy who gave him a wink. The chemist packed "IT" for Swami into a brown packet.

This adventure of his had robbed him of half an hour. He had no time to rush to office to arrange for the cab and pick up other details of Christy. He anyways had her flight details and knew her name. He rushed home and started changing. Swami picked up his best clothes, shaved twice, applied gel on hair and emptied half a bottle of perfume over him. He checked the side pocket of his pants to make sure that he had not forgotten “IT”. He smiled and blushed at the thought of all the naughty things he would do with Christy, if the day turned out to be extraordinarily lucky for him. He observed himself from top to bottom in the mirror for whole 15 mins from different angles. When satisfied, he left for the airport to reach there an hour before the scheduled time. After all, he needed at least this much time to settle in and prepare himself for welcoming Christy. He had to decide whether to go for a full fledged embrace and kiss or keep it soft and corporate style after taking a look at the crowd at the airport. He had got his own car to pick up Christy, since he was running short on time and had also not collected the placard which had the name of the delegate coming from the office receptionist. Now, at the airport, he had already started dreaming of Christy. He just couldn’t stop smiling at himself thinking of this sudden unexpected bout of kindness from the almighty. His thoughts were now running wild. He had painted the complete picture of Christy in his mind – 5’11”, extremely fair, blonde, curvaceous and with sharp features. He was almost sweating with excitement. He wondered if only thoughts had such an effect on him, what would happen when he would see her actually. Almost instinctively, his hand reached his pocket to make sure he was carrying ‘IT’, just in case the need arises.

The airport was swarming with people and Swami was having a great time ‘window shopping’ the pretty faces and bodies, especially the foreign babes who were a rare feast for his thirsty eyes. He felt like exchanging jobs with the airport checking staff who seemed blessed to him with the luxury of being ‘so close’ to such hot babes throughout the day, and night. Job reminded him of how important Christy as a client was for the firm, and hence promised himself to keep his desperation and desire below a threshold level, at least initially. But the many stories that he had heard from his friends in the States about the ‘open minded’ gals there made him sure enough that Christy would be an easy catch.

Swami made a makeshift placard on a sheet and wrote “Christy” in black bold letters. He checked his watch. Just 5 more minutes left for the arrival. He made some final adjustments, tucked in his shirt for the millionth time, adjusted his specs, arranged his hair and checked whether he smelt good. The screen flashed the announcement that the flight had landed. Swami was getting nervous by the minute. Christy would walk straight into his arms any moment now. 20 more minutes passed. The passengers from Christy’s flight had started walking out of the arrival gate after completing the formalities. Swami wiped away the sweat from his forehead. His heartbeats had gone up. He was clutching his fists trying to hold the excitement. He was now anxiously waiting and eyeing all hot foreign babes to find ‘his’ gal. “Aaaaah….there she is!!” he exclaimed. His eyes rested on a beautiful blonde who completely fitted the picture of his imaginations. Tall, fair, gorgeous, naughty eyes and wearing a tube top with a mini skirt, she was looking ravishing. She had a corporate feel about her as well. The way she walked confidently came from her position. This had to be Christy. He held up the placard he had made for her. Swami’s felt his heart would burst out any moment. He had never felt it beat so fast. His view of Christy was being obstructed by a fat ugly guy walking right in front of her who was struggling to find his way through the crowd. Swami said to himself, “My…my….God does make some unique samples…I tell you. Ten Christy’s can hide behind this huge boulder. Is he a man or a mountain? God is strange….on one hand he creates someone as divine as Christy and on the other hand he overburdens this place by creating fatties like these”. He thanked God for blessing him the most beautiful of his creations.

The blonde seemed to be stuck behind the fat guy. She seemed to be in a hurry to get out of the airport, but with this fat guy moving slowly right in front of her she had no choice but to slow down. The fat guy looked a confused soul. He was looking around for help. Both he and the sexy lady were now heading in Swami’s direction. His heart started beating even faster; he firmly held the placard reading ‘Christy’ and waited anxiously to kiss her on both cheeks. In the matter of those few seconds, all his fantasies and desires came rushing back and were on the penultimate point, when at last moment, the lady turned in another direction. That very moment, the fat guy turned around and accidentally hit the blonde on her nose. He apologised instantly and the blonde gave back a forced smile. Swami felt the adrenaline rushing in his veins. He could not let go off this opportunity to impress Christy. He rushed forward and caught the fat guy by his collar.

Swami started shouting at the top of his voice, “You fat son of a bi*&h!! Trying to harass this beauty. How dare you? Do you have any idea who she is?? Have you heard of the US telecom giants? US Tele!! Ya…you heard it right. She is our guest here from US Tele. Say sorry to Christy or else I will make you rub your fat nose on those sexy sandals she is wearing” Swami stopped midway and turned to the lady. He gave the blonde a full toothed smile, “Hi Gorgeous. Relax. I will take care of this guinea pig. I am here to protect you from such scoundrels. We won’t let US Tele down! You are our esteemed guest. It’s anticipating such spoilsports here that my boss has sent me personally to escort you to safety” The blonde gave him a strange expression and walked away in the opposite direction. Swami was amused and tried to call her back, “Christy...Christy…Christyyyy”. She moved on. At that very moment, he felt a hand on his shoulders and a voice accompanied the hand, "Hi..I am Christy".

Swami turned around to get the shock of his life! It was the same fat guy whom he had seen trailing the sexy lady, whose collar he had just held!! His heart skipped a beat and all colours vanished from his face. He couldn’t believe his eyes. Even before he could react or curse his damn luck, Christy extended his hand forward feverishly. Swami sheepishly shook hands and the fat man spoke, "Christy here...Christopher Smith. From US Tele. I need to speak to your boss right now!!”